


Letters To My Dead Mother

by CassidysPersona



Series: Soft Moments Between Ross Barton & Chrissie White [2]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-08-08 04:38:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7743685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassidysPersona/pseuds/CassidysPersona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>ONE-SHOT </p><p>It's been five years since Chrissie's mother died and she writes a fifth letter, only she ends up sharing the day with someone she never expected to share it with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters To My Dead Mother

It had been five years since Ellen White had passed away sadly from cancer, Chrissie was sat with a pen and paper in front of her ready to write a fifth letter to her mother. Tapping the pen against the wooden desk Chrissie picked at the skin around her nails, it wasn’t something she did often as she took pride in her appearance, being a businesswoman owning five hair salons she had to look presentable. Normally she would spend ages painting her nails and making them look fancy so biting the skin around them was quite upsetting for her but she couldn’t help it it’s what she did when nervous and now with the paper in front of her she began to write the letter:

_Mum,_

_I can’t believe it’s been five years and so far this year has been pretty horrible, why didn’t you tell me about my real father situation? Thanks to me I’ve managed to ruin dad’s life and if I hadn’t gone snooping around I would’ve carried on as normal. Lachlan shot dad – he was so desperate to have his granddad back he didn’t mean to pull the trigger but now my son is so distant from us he’s not sleeping well I hear him at night tossing and turning with nightmares. I’m angry because my whole life has been a lie and you could’ve told me – though what would’ve been the point? I’m so sick of this charade and I wish you were here, you would’ve put dad in his place and prevented what Lachlan did, why did you have die? The chemotherapy didn’t work, nothing worked and you died. I’d give anything to have you back, Rebecca’s in Mexico and I am really missing having her positivity around here, I miss having your bright ideas, your comforting words, I miss the smell of your perfume lingering around in the morning._

Chrissie only noticed she was crying when the ink on the page started smudging, “Pull yourself together,” Chrissie whispered to herself as she dried her eyes.

_I wish I listened to you when you said about be careful who your trust, the three men I’ve had in my life Donny, Robert and Andy have all turned out to be these people who cannot keep it in their trousers. You always gave good advice when Rebecca wanted to leave for Mexico Dad and I tried to stop her but you told us to stop being so selfish, I wish you were here right now, I know you’d know what to do and now I have a son’s who’s unable to live with himself. I wish you were mum._

_Lots of love_

_Chrissie_

_Xxxxxx_

Chrissie put down the pen and moved the chair further away from the paper, then opened up the draw that contained envelopes as she dug through to find a spare she came across four other letters. They all had _Dear Mum_ written in neat writing. Chrissie pulled them out and sighed heavily, the first one from 2012 was very bulky she remembered it had two sets of A4 paper written on both sides, whilst the 2013-2015 ones weren’t as bulky it wasn’t because she ran out of things to say it was because she didn’t want to write them, not really. Every time she thought of her mother it hurt her inside and the three other letters had pain written in them, whilst this latest one had anger, hurt, and rambling, further inside the draw was a box of matches which she had in case she decided to burn them. Her face made a thoughtful look and she got off the chair, grabbed the four other letters and then put the fifth one into an envelope then placed them into her bag, her heels clicked against the floor and she walked out the door making her way into the village.

* * *

Chrissie was sat on the swing in the village park with the letters in one hand and the matches in the other, she had nearly done it but the thought of burning them slightly killed her inside so now she was stuck of what to do, “I’m pretty sure if you keep staring at those they’ll come to life,” Ross made Chrissie jump and she dropped the envelopes.

“Arghh,” she dropped the matches and then proceeded to pick up the envelopes but on her hands and knees she started to cry, Ross shook his head puzzled but leant down and studied Chrissie she looked broken with her weeping eyes and red cheeks.

“I’m guessing you’re not crying because they fell on the floor?” she shook her head then stood up and brushed off the dirt on her jeans. Chrissie’s face crumpled and she quickly dashed away before Ross could see her cry again, “Chrissie,” he ran after her and then grabbed under the arm, “You’re clearly upset about something and…I want to help you.”

“You wouldn’t understand,” she went to move away but Ross kept his grip on her she was clearly not going to get out of this, as easy as she had hoped, “It’s my mum’s fifth year anniversary – as in her dying and I write letters each year but right now I’m contemplating burning them.”

“Why?” Ross asked.

“Because my whole life has been an entire lie, my dad’s not my biological dad, my mum slept with various other men whilst married to my dad and everything I thought was true is actually a big lie. So why should I keep them?” Chrissie tilted her head to the side and then sighed heavily.

“Oh come on it’s not like they made it obvious that you were someone else’s child, you’ve clearly always thought of Lawrence as your dad, he never made it obvious that you weren’t his child, come on for thirty-six years of your life you’ve been raised as a spoilt brat and you’re having a tantrum because they didn’t tell you the truth?” Ross came down on her like a tonne of bricks but that was the only way he’d get her to see, “Don’t burn them out of anger, if you want to get rid of them send them into the sky or something.”

“I’m not having a tantrum,” Chrissie mumbled and Ross smirked, “What? I’m not…I’m just- “

“Acting like a spoilt little rich kid? Just because your dad isn’t your real one doesn’t make him any less your dad. He raised you didn’t he? Just grow up,” Ross let go of Chrissie and she huffed before storming away, “Oh that’s right go on walk of, burn them do whatever, you’ll regret it,” Chrissie stopped in her tracks and then stormed back over.

“What would you know? Your mum tried to kill you…what kind of child must’ve you been to make her do that? Lachlan may drive me up the wall but I’d never do that to him, you must’ve really drove her to the brink, as clearly she didn’t try it with Pete or Finn,” Chrissie couldn’t believe what was coming out of her mouth, though when she stopped to actually look at Ross she noticed how hurt he looked, he tried to cover it with anger but really it was hurt, “Oh Ross…I…I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that I’m sorry.”

“No you’re right…I mean end of the day I’m the thug, the one who always got in trouble at school, the one who messes everything up. Mum may have explained to me but it doesn’t make it better in here,” Ross pointed to his chest indicating his heart and Chrissie couldn’t look at him, “I was the one who she tried to kill. Your mum loved you Chrissie, she didn’t try to kill you she didn’t try any of that and you are complaining because she didn’t tell you the truth about your dad. It’s called protecting your flesh and blood, you’ve done that for Lachlan enough times,” Ross turned away from Chrissie in fear of shedding tears, “Your mum might be dead but at least you know she loved you- “

“Your mum does love you,” Chrissie touched his arm but Ross pulled away, “Clearly she wasn’t well Ross. Your mum loves you like every mother loves their child,” Chrissie couldn’t ever imagine trying to kill Lachlan, but there had been times when he was younger she struggled no one gave her any sympathy, she was rich had everything she needed, “I can’t imagine how you feel Ross but please believe me when I say she does love you,” half of her wanted nothing more to give him a hug show him what a mother’s love is, but half of her felt an attraction to him too, “You could write a letter like I have, then burn or do whatever you want too. It hurts when writing them but you feel slightly better afterwards,” she tilted her head to the side and Ross turned to face her with red eyes and tear stained cheeks she felt nothing more than guilt for what she said, “We could go out of the village?”

Ross wiped his nose that was dripping and then shook his head to try and pull himself together, “I’d like that. Thank you,” he smiled at Chrissie and Chrissie smiled back at him.

* * *

They were now in the park outside the village sat on the swings, “Do you honestly think me setting this alight will help me?” Ross asked as he enveloped the letter and sighed heavily.

“We’ll have to find out…I’m about to experiment myself so who knows?” Chrissie got off the swing and then looked around for safe places to have a controlled fire, she was about to give up when she found a bonfire pit, “You ready?” Chrissie asked.

They stood by the pit looking down at it then they both looked back up at each other, “On the count of three,” Ross ordered he counted down and they both dropped the letters in they all piled up on top of each other, “Maybe I should light the bonfire? We both know you have a bad relationship with fire,” it was an inappropriate joke but all the same they both laughed. Chrissie pulled the matches out of her pocket and handed them to Ross, “You sure you want to do this? Once it’s in no going back,” Ross asked just to be sure he didn’t want her to regret it once lit.

“Do it, we both need to let go of things, letter’s to my dead mother will keep building up and if there’s anything I’ve learnt don’t hide letters where people can find them,” Chrissie was referring to her dad’s love letters from Ronnie, if that taught her anything keeping the past locked away was nothing but a bad idea. Ross lit the match and chucked it in the envelopes started to burn, the flames started to spread slowly, “Goodbye mum…I know you were trying to protect me, I won’t forget you,” Chrissie felt tears build in her eyes, “I’m sorry I brought the subject up with dad,” as she spoke her voice broke and she couldn’t help but cry.

“Come here you soppy cow,” Ross pulled her into a hug and whilst Chrissie cried on him he watched the letters burn it was oddly satisfying, “Thank you,” he said to Chrissie, “I do feel better.”

“Five years of hurt, anger and sadness all burnt away,” Chrissie pulled away from Ross, she sorted her hair out and then dried her eyes, “It feels good…to finally let go,” she stuck her hands into the back pockets of her jeans, “You’re welcome by the way,” Chrissie looked up at him and smiled.

Ross and Chrissie stood watching the flames die down, eventually just leaving lots of white ash in the bonfire pit and no more fire. Chrissie felt good sharing the anniversary with someone else other than her dad and Lachlan, “I won’t tell anyone you hugged me if you don’t tell anyone I cried.”

“Deal,” although they didn’t look at each other they sealed the deal with a handshake only neither one of them let go, the two adults continued to stare at the bonfire pit not actually realising how long they had been holding hands for.

**A/N: Just a one-shot I came up with last night, I haven’t forgotten Photograph I will be updating that :) thanks to Jess who is literally an amazing person for putting up with all my ideas haha! Hope you all enjoy this.**


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